change

Its interesting how some people love change.  I use to be one of those people.  I still am in some regards.  I love when it is organized change.  Planned change.  Change that I can get my mind around.  But when its unasked for change I go crazy.  Frantic.  Anxiety attack every two seconds.  If someone asked my opinion even once I could handle it.  Some peopel though can't handle it at all.  I could roll with the punches.  Things changed in february.  Last february.  A major change. A major cost.  A cost so great that it almost cost me my life.  I still don't see my life as something worthy of value.  Sometimes I can.  But most of the time I see it as a means to an end.  I am a means to an end.  I feel trapped at times.  Its a helpless feeling.  So helpless.  :(  Trying to change it but its so hard. 

Test

Second post test....will fix later

:(

From since last February, it seem all I have been doing is trying to survive in one way or another.  Again I can't type.  Again I can't put into words whats in my head.  Again my body hates me.  Again I feel like I want to die.  But why.....Maybe I can do some later on.....